Tag Archives: Supernatural

Review of The Final Conflict (1981)

25 Nov

The Final Conflict (1981) is a horror/thriller film, the third film in the The Omen film franchise.

Directed by Graham Baker (Alien Nation (1988), Beowulf (1999)).

Written by Andrew Birkin (Joan of Arc (1999), Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006)).

Starring: Sam Neill, Rossano Brazzi, Don Gordon, Lisa Harrow, Barnaby Holm, Mason Adams, Dick Anthony Williams and others.

Once again we follow Damien Thorn, who now is 32 and the CEO of Thorn Industries, one of the most powerful corporations in the world. Don’t be fooled by thinking that the movie is set in the future. It is set in 1982, so since 1976 when Damien was about 5 he has grown up really fast.

After getting hypnotised by a dog, the US ambassador to Great Britain commits the most elaborate suicide ever and guess who gets appointed in his place? Our friendly neighbourhood Damien. So the movie is basically about his rise to power, while a bunch of people try to get in his way, only to suffer horrible deaths.

It is revealed through concrete scientific evidence that some sort of star alignment crap suggests the second coming of Christ. Not on Damien’s watch, he’s going to kill every child born on a specific date. Oh, but guess what, his right hand man has one of them Christ-children, so we get a subplot that matters very little.

The scenes where the astronomers are figuring out how stars mean that they should bring back crucifixions, introduces one of my big disappointments. The score suddenly contains some distinctly 80’s sci-fi themes. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as it is not mixed in with the classic, huge Jerry Goldsmith chanting parts, that are common in The Omen series. It’s just two clashing styles.

The themes and implications the movie brings up are quite interesting, sadly they’re not really explored as much as one would like. You have to think of how you would act if you knew you are destined to be a great, powerful man and something threatens this. You can identify with Damien’s paranoia, his ability to not view himself as entirely evil, since his path of life was chosen for him. I don’t want to say that his actions are reprehensible or character not despicable, but there’s a fine line to walk when your protagonist is the villain.

The movie is in a way a precursor to slasher movies, where they make sequels that progressively glorify the villain, who is the returning character on another adventure, and makes the innocents less innocent, less interesting and less likable. We don’t want the evil to be victorious, but we have started to care about Damien and he has almost become a tragic figure. To be fair, he has a lot more personality than the average slasher villain, but the connection could be made.

And yes, the good guys here come off as silly and worthless. And when we see Damien walking around, creepily charming the pants off of everyone, it is hard not to take the wrong side. If good is so boring and uninspiring, why not root for evil? That’s a fine question, that, sadly, I don’t think the movie asks intentionally.

Damien also isn’t built up as all that evil. His rise to power is quite slow. He is just a CEO of a big company, but he doesn’t seem like the most evil one even amongst real-life ones. He has a romantic interest, sure, he’s a bit rough with her in the bed and makes her son his right hand ‘young’ man. But that just doesn’t seem that bad. He’s like some mafia godfather, who doesn’t even do his own dirty work most of the time.

The worst part is probably the ending. It is well built up and it seems there will be this epic Good vs. Evil stand-off, but it’s the most anticlimactic thing imaginable. It’s just nothing, there’s no spectacle, nothing. The Omen ‘trilogy’ ends with a faint stabbing sound.

The best part about it is Sam Neill’s performance as Damien. He is really good, exuding dark charisma. Managing to look like a youthful millionaire playboy, but at the time pulling off the sinister undercurrents of the son of satan, now fully aware of his power and purpose.

Overall, I would say that the previous movie was more reliant on the novelty deaths, so if nothing else, this is better than that and Sam Neill is awesome. Still, not a worthy sequel to the original. Not recommended.

“Last night I semi-raped your mother. We are going to have so much fun today.”

Review of Insidious (2010)

25 Aug

Insidious (2010) is a horror/thriller/drama film, focusing on a boy entering a comatose state to become a vessel for beings from an astral dimension.

Directed by James Wan (Saw (2004), Death Sentence (2007)).

Written by Leigh Whannell (Dead Silence (2007), Saw II (2005)).

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Leigh Whannell, Ty Simpkins, Lin Shaye, Angus Sampson, Barbara Hershey, Andrew Astor and others.

This is an interesting movie, it plays on clichés, at first it seems like the most generic horror flick involving a creepy kid and like the most usual family ever, but throughout the movie I kept guessing what is going to happen and most of the times I was wrong. We start out with this normal family living their normal lives in a fairly normal house. Some subtle creepy stuff happens and one of the two kids goes into coma. I thought he’s going to come out of it and be different, but no.

We switch to 3 months later, now the son is in coma at home. And then some seriously creepy shit starts happening, like someone starts speaking through the baby monitor, the way it is done is insanely effective. The movie is very well shot, like it changes from the completely static shots when the characters are out of the house or someone else is in the house to this handheld slightly zooming style when they’re alone in the house and spooky things happen. This adds so much to the mood and a lot of times there are cool continuous shots, following the characters.

Probably best scene of the movie is a “fuck you!” to all the haunted house movies. Soon after all the weird shit starts, the wife says that the house is freaking her out and they have to leave. Cut to: they’ve moved out. It’s almost funny how sudden that is. However, despite the characters thinking so, it’s not the house that’s haunted, as it soon turns out, it’s the kid.

Patrick Wilson in my opinion is a perfect everyman actor, who seems like this very normal guy, but has more to him, so he’s not bland. His character is the one, who has to pull back the movie to earth, after things, like an old woman delivering a speech about demons, happen. He really doesn’t go for all the crazy ghost talk, because he hasn’t seen much, but Wilson plays it so that he doesn’t seem like an unsupportive asshole.

The things the wife sees soon stop being corner-of-the-eye sort of stuff and become full on plain sight shit, like people coming at her or a kid running around the house. I usually don’t like jump-scares and this movie has them in spades, but they’re executed really well and aren’t false, when they happen, they startle the characters and are real scary things and not a douchebag friend sneaking up on you or a cat running across the hall.

The last half hour of the movie has sort of an A Nightmare On Elm Street feel to it and ends on a cliffhanger, but I doubt if we’ll ever see a sequel, not that I want it. The whole movie feels like a very dark fairy tale. In an age of forgettable, bland horror movies, this is actually fairly original and stylish and not afraid to be kind of ridiculous.

Overall, a really cool, suspenseful and at times legitimately scary movie. One of the best horror flicks, you’ll find in the PG-13 section of the genre. If you can have your horror without gratuitous violence, nudity and exploitation, recommended.

“Honey, look what our son drew. Do you think there’s something wrong with him?”
“You’re damn right, there’s something wrong with him, he’s a fucking artist!”
“No, I mean, do you think he needs therapy or something?”
“Military school is what he needs, woman!”

 

Review of Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

19 May

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) is a horror/mystery/thriller film and the second film in the Hellraiser film franchise.

Directed by Tony Randel (Infested (1993), Children of the Night (1991)).

Written  by Peter Atkins (Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), Wishmaster (1997)).

Starring: Ashley Laurence, William Hope, Clare Higgins, Doug Bradley, Kenneth Cranham, Deborah Joel, Barbie Wilde, Simon Bamford, Nicholas Vince and others.

The Hellraiser franchise, I sort of have fond childhood memories about it. I remember a time when I was about five and watched one of them (probably one of the first three). That is, I watched it for a few minutes, until my mom came in and turned it off. That might be the only time I remember not being allowed to watch something, not because it’s past my bedtime, but because there’s a guy with a ton of nails in his head. Then some time later, during my childhood I bought a lollipop, it was from the high-end, where inside the wrapper they had one of those tattoos, that you stick on your arm and hold under stream of water. So for about a week I had an awesome Pinhead tattoo on my shoulder. So now, whenever I think of how I used to watch a lot of R rated movies when I was a kid, I remember this one time when I wasn’t allowed, probably just because of the intriguing image of Pinhead.

Enough about my traumatic childhood, let’s get into the movie.

It starts with what seems like a recap, but it’s just random clips from the previous movie, that were totally unnecessary, since later on they go over what happened before. If that’s like a setup, to get you in the mood, then if you haven’t seen the previous one, you’d be like „oh, so it’s going to be about a bunch of monsters and cartoonish lighting bolts” and yes, this movie also has probably the only 80’s special effect, that I don’t like – the stupid drawn lightning effects, they are horribly dated, when other effects leave me wondering why modern movies do shitty CG effects instead.

We see the creation of Pinhead, but you do only see him turned from human to a cenobite, nothing is really explained.

Kirsty from the previous movie wakes up in a psychiatric hospital (always a pleasant surprise) and has the brilliant plan of telling the truth – monsters from hell came through a puzzle box and killed her family, leaving behind a bloody mattress, which works as a gateway. Of course no one believes shit like that and the main doctor there keeps the mattress for himself.

I like Ashley Laurence a lot, if I had to choose from all the virginal heroines from horror movies, she definitely would be one of my favourites, because she’s actually not bland. Also she reminds me of Heather Langenkamp.

In the room next to Kirsty’s there’s a girl who just solves puzzles all day. I bet this won’t play any part later in this movie about a puzzle box.

The doctor’s protege sneaks into the doctor’s house and finds out that doctor is actually a sick bastard, who has been studying some of the mystical shit. He puts one of his patients on the mattress (how nice of him), but then the mental guy starts cutting himself and from the mattress emerges Kirsty’s skinless stepmother Julia.

The first two Hellraiser movies had a lot of skinless people, but they later abandoned this, which sucks, since the skinless make-up is just mind-blowingly good. It’s terrifyingly realistic and disturbingly beautiful. This one could be a bit much for people who aren’t used to horror movie special effects.

So for a while skinless Julia just walks around the house in doctor’s white suit and leaving blood stains everywhere. The doctor has a very medical idea, he bandages her up so she looks like the Invisible Man.

Julia kills and devours a bunch of people until she looks like Clare Higgins again. So Julia and doctor guy open up a puzzle box and all things go to hell. See what I did there? To do it, they bring in the puzzle solving girl, but really, what’s the point, the box seems like the easiest puzzle ever. It’s like twist/push a button, a part emerges, twist that and it’s done.

Sadly as the cenobites appear logic disappears from the movie. There’s a bunch of random imagery in the cenobite realm, like babies with their mouths sewn shut, clowns, Kirsty suddenly appearing in a living room that starts bleeding, the puzzle box changing shape, people having blurry sex, something about Leviathan the lord of the labyrinth and other things that happen only because it’s not the real world. It would be ok, if the characters were as surprised as I was seeing those things, I feel like I’ve missed a meeting on „random hell stuff”.

The doctor becomes a cenobite and develops a knack for one-liners like „The Doctor’s in” and „I’m taking over this operation”.

Overall, a decent sequel with some great effects work, but a terribly confusing third act. Recommended.

“Shh, you don’t have to say a thing.”

Review of The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

27 Apr

The Cabin in the Woods (2011) is a horror/comedy/mystery film, which adds a little more to the stock horror clichés.

Directed by Drew Goddard. This movie is his directorial debut.

Written by Joss Whedon (Alien: Resurrection (1997), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997 TV)) and Drew Goddard (Cloverfield (2008), Lost (2004 TV)).

Starring: Fran Kranz, Anna Hutcherson, Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Jesse Williams and others.

Watching the trailer I was quite intrigued by this movie, a “cabin in the woods” movie, which turns out to be something more. Sounds good enough to me! However, the trailer also created this misconception, that it is totally a standard college kid horror flick until it turns out there’s more to it, which would mean the movie is already spoiled. And that’s what I’m going to be very careful about, because there’s a lot to spoil. However, the movie opens with a scene in some scientific facility, so they’re really not hiding this fact, but they do keep to themselves a lot about why all the stuff that is being done there is done.

It is best to avoid knowing anything about the movie, since there’s so many twists and turns, which combined with the mysterious organization that is behind it, makes the movie really unpredictable.

There is some genre-bending as it slides from the usual horror stuff to some comedic lines, to the very dark meta humor, that is going on in the control room, where Jenkins and Whitford …control stuff, which intentionally plays on their similarity to horror screenwriters picking out from various stock monsters, characters and settings.

The college kid characters are the basic jock/slut/smart guy/comic relief/virgin ensemble, but here there is a reason for it and they are actually likable and not one note, they all have at least a little bit more to their characters, but they are forced to show only these sides of them. And the comic relief stoner guy is very funny and seems to be the only one who actually is aware that their vacation is turning into a horror movie. At one point the jock (played by Thor) suggests they should split up and he’s the only one who goes like “Really?”. And this was one of the rare times in a horror movie, where I really didn’t want any of the kids to die.

It is a movie for both the horror savvy and the not so much. Because for the horror fans this can be like a game, where you laugh about the next cliché that is thrown at the characters and guess what is a reference to what. Like “Hey, is that guy with the buzzsaws in his head a reference to Pinhead from Hellraiser?” or “Hey, is that werewolf a reference to any werewolf movie in existence?”, so it’s really fun. The other group can give into the suspense, jump at the jumpscares and laugh about the comedy.

Also it has a great cameo at the very end. I think I’ll stop right here, because the less is said about the movie, the better it is to watch it. It is a beautiful mess, where not everything is explained and it only gains from it.

Overall, a very fun, entertaining and clever film. Definitely recommended for both horror fans and those who just like some thrills with their laughs.

"Wow, I'm not doing that with my arms! ...oh, and also I'm not a girl..."

Review of Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922)

27 Mar

Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922) is a Danish/Swedish silent horror/documentary film, that shows how superstition led to witch-hunting.

Directed by Benjamin Christensen (House of Horror (1929), Mockery (1927)).

Written by Benjamin Christensen (The Devil’s Circus (1926), Seven Footprints to Satan (1929)).

Starring: Benjamin Christensen, Clara Pontoppidan, Oscar Stribolt, Astrid Holm, Maren Pedersen and others.

So this early horror classic is actually a weird documentary consisting of various ways of portraying witchcraft myths and truths, while adding up to a creepy piece of silent cinema.

There are some strange illustrations while some facts about the way authorities have dealt with witches are told. This feels like an odd educational film for kids, that kids shouldn’t be watching.

When we actually get to the live-action stuff, they show both the portrayal of people thinking everything is black magic and re-enactments of the myths about witches. The movie has a sort of dark sense of humor as it shows us witchcraft rituals that might ask for a figurative interpretation. Like „all the witches had to kiss devil’s behind” gives us a rather amusing sight of witches lining up behind the devil (played by the director in make-up), who has bent over. I don’t think the filmmakers took these parts too seriously themselves.

Seeing this early example I noticed that often I’ve seen monks portrayed as morbidly obese, gross pigs, eating like whole  cow-legs. Does that mean they are corrupt or just into gluttony? I guess the first option is better since corruption is not a deadly sin. Here the monks are total assholes and one example of a witch-myth actually made sense. Why did this fat monk just rape some girl? Of course! A witch must have slipped him some love potion.

Another great example is a totally absurd way of making sure if a girl is a witch. You tie her up and throw her in the water. If she comes up, it means she is a witch and they kill her, if she does not and drowns, then you should thank God for her innocence. One thing is for sure, they knew a fool-proof plan, when they came up with one. It is an interesting commentary on how people afraid of some things actually create the myths about the existence of such things.

At times I felt like the movie is just throwing examples and concepts at me, but doesn’t do anything with them, they’re just there and don’t lead anywhere. After a while I started wondering what’s the point of all this. I get that people were gullible and stupid, move on!

Some of the imagery is really creepy and for 1920’s the make-up and costumes are pretty decent. Out of the context those scenes are even nightmarishly unsettling. Back then the audiences must have been terrified by this stuff.

Then there’s some presentations of various torture devices, they just show them to you, tell you what they do and almost show you them in action. Sounds boring, but actually was my favourite part, because it is done in the classic horror movie way. They set up how they work and just before you see them deliver the crippling they cut away and you’re left there imagining what did happen.

I wonder why nowadays there are so few mainstream witch movies? I guess we are so PC that they would be instantly considered sexist. Yet having the lead of a vampire/werewolf movie be a blank, selfish and unlikable human girl isn’t a disservice to women.

The score is really great, having some nice classical pieces, like one of my favourites – Beethoven’s „Moonlight Sonata”. On the other hand I’m not sure if they aren’t just randomly thrown on or do they in fact add to the idea of scenes.

Also it concludes with some scenes showing how the alleged „witchcraft” is now recognized as various mental illnesses and they are being treated instead of persecuted.

Overall, it is an interesting piece of cinema history and I would recommend it as such, but it doesn’t really work as conventional movie due to the constant changes of narrative style and it doesn’t work as a documentary, because it spends too much time on just dramatically portraying various myths. Still, recommended for enthusiasts of cinema history, other than that it doesn’t offer much for a modern viewer.

SLUT

Pictured: Probably the illustration for the phrase "what the fuck?" in the Danish dictionary.

Review of Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

18 Mar

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993) is a slasher/horror/thriller film and the… ninth film in the Friday the 13th franchise.

Directed by Adam Marcus (Snow Days (1999), Conspiracy (2008)).

Written by Jay Huguely (Silk Stalkings (1991 TV), Magnum, P.I. (1980 TV)) and Dean Lorey (My Boyfriend’s Back (1993), Major Payne (1995)).

Starring: Kane Hodder, Steven Williams, John D. LeMay, Steven Culp, Erin Grey, Rusty Schwimmer and others.

So here we start with no clue of how Jason came back from New York considering the state he was in at the end of the last film. His appearance is also for some reason changed, now he has a huge bulbous head in which the mask is pressed in and has some long strands of hair. The big city must’ve changed him.

A few minutes into the movie Jason is shot a shitload of times and then blown to pieces. Let’s stop here and think of what a person who has watched Jason going on a killing spree seven (six, if you don’t count A New Beginning) times before wants to see. Well, Jason might just be one of those things, but what do they do? You guessed it, they fucking blow up Jason and don’t show him until the last 5 minutes.

Since Kane Hodder barely gets to be in the movie, he gets a little cameo as some kind of police officer/special forces guy and ironically gets killed by Jas…black coroner guy, who is possessed by Jason. That’s right, in this movie Jason is possessing people. I could deal with him being a super-strong retard, could handle him as a zombie, could watch him go against a telekinetic chick, but him possessing people? I’m sorry, but that is stretching it.

When I heard the title I actually thought Jason is going to be „killing” people in hell (don’t know how that works), but no, we get Jason the body snatcher. So most of the movie I kept thinking „fuck, I really wish Jason was in this movie”. But he just keeps getting shot and changing to various people, he is fucking T-1000 from Terminator 2.

Steven Williams is pretty bad-ass in this as this Jason hunter guy. John D. LeMay isn’t bad as the reluctant hero and Steven Culp was quite menacing when he got the Jason bug.

There’s a scene of random camping teenagers, one of which is quite likable, but she dies a couple of minutes later. Also in the same unimportant scene we get to see some tits and a guy shows his ass. So there’s something for the ladies too. While on the subject, the body changing is quite odd and involves some not very vague homoerotic kissing.

Nudity and gore always go hand in hand and here we get one of the coolest effects in the whole series. It’s a guy melting. Sounds great? No? Well, it is.

It is a well-made movie, but why did they think this would appeal to the fans to the series I do not know. I did however enjoy the last half hour of it. It had action, gore, even a bit of Jason, both as his usual self and a weird little puppet which looks like Jason and a chestburster from Alien had a child.

If was watching it back in 1993 and then at the end saw Freddy grabbing Jason’s mask I’d be damn excited and then totally pissed for having to wait 10 fucking years for a crossover, which isn’t even good, but I’ll get to that.

It’s nice of them to try to do something new with the franchise, but A New Beginning should have been a lesson that almost having Jason is not good enough.

Overall, I don’t think it is as bad as one would be led to think, but some really bad choices had been made during the production. That being said, I would actually recommend this one, though mostly to people who are not fans of Jason.

Oh, yeah, because punching Jason has worked so well before.

Review of The Omen (1976)

16 Mar

The Omen (1976) is a horror/mystery/thriller film, continuing the trend kick-started by The Exorcist, dealing with various incarnations of evil, often involving children.

Directed by Richard Donner (16 Blocks (2006), Superman (1978)), known for inventing the modern superhero film and the buddy cop film franchise Lethal Weapon.

Written by David Seltzer (Dragonfly (2002), My Giant (1998)), interestingly, he also wrote the 2006 remake of The Omen.

Starring: Gregory Peck, Lee Remick, David Warner, Harvey Stephens, Billie Whitelaw and others.

“Look at me Damien! It’s all for you.” says a nanny before hanging herself and smashing through a window. This and a few other scenes might just be some of the most memorable moments of horror cinema, which is why this movie is regarded as a classic. In this case it is totally deserved. I often use this particular quote randomly in everyday conversations, that must count for something.

Damien, the six-year-old antichrist played by Harvey Stephens isn’t all that active in the movie, except for a scene where he starts punching and scratching his mother for taking him to the church. This could be considered a reasonable reaction. What kid enjoys going to church? This movie must have reduced the number of newborn children being named Damien. For some reason it seems a very appropriate name.

Gregory Peck in this movie has decided that he won’t actually do emotions, unless the situation is very extreme. You’re wife falls from the second floor, breaks everything in her body and is put in the hospital. Peck just puts on a little frown as if to say “well, she isn’t dead, now is she?”. Peck’s hair seems to change its grayness  in certain scenes, drawing my attention to the fact that nowadays the possibility of a 60-year-old man being the star of a horror movie is rather small.

When a priest turns to Peck’s character to say his child is evil, he is quite unbelieving and understandably so, since it’s hard to trust a priest when another one slipped you the devil six years ago.

Richard Donner seems very confident with directing, which is not surprising, considering the 15 years of doing various tv series before this movie.

The score is just brilliant, over the years there’s been countless imitations.  The choral parts in latin and blasting orchestral score really got my heart pounding leading on the second best death of the film. But I must admit that at times the powerful score was a bit too much for me.

The undoubtedly best death is when a character loses his head in the most amazing slow motion decapitation scene I’ve ever seen, which is caused by an improbable and elaborate string of  events. It might have inspired the whole Final Destination gimmick.

Besides just the shenanigans with the little rascal Damien at the Thorn house, what aids the movie greatly is the far more interesting subplot, where a photographer starts figuring out that something isn’t right.

I think this movies target audience is new parents (preferably adoptive), who might be terrified by the thought of their child turning out to be the antichrist himself.

There are many and beautiful locations, which seems odd for a movie with a budget this modest. Although they might have taken some shortcuts. For example when the characters are looking for a specific old church it turns out to be on the Old Church road. Suspiciously convenient, isn’t it?

The ending is nice, you might think it promises a sequel, but back then it wasn’t such a common practice. Of course that doesn’t mean there were no sequels.

Overall, a good, well-written, well-directed movie, really suspenseful and entertaining, takes itself seriously enough and I totally recommend it for everyone.

"Hello, I'm your son's new nanny, don't mind me, looking absolutely terrifying and showing up from nowhere."

Review of Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

8 Mar

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988) is a slasher/horror/thriller film and the seventh entry in the Friday the 13th franchise.

Directed by John Carl Buechler (Troll (1986), Ragewar (1984)), mostly known for his special effects work.

Written by Daryl Haney (Mockingbird Don’t Sing (2001), Emmanuelle, Queen of the Galaxy (1994)),  and Manuel Fidello mostly known for not writing anything before or since.

Starring: Kane Hodder, Lar Park-Lincoln, Terry Kiser, Kevin Spirtas, Heidi Kozak, William Butler, John Otrin and others.

So the movie starts off with random death scenes from the previous films and a voice-over narration, explaining why Jason Voorhees is hanging around at the bottom of a lake.

Although we did see Jason waking up dressed a bit differently at the end of the last film, apparently he decided it was not time yet, so here we see him “dead” again. No one thought it might be appropriate to drag Jason’s body out and cremate or something, since people keep going to the lake and swimming in it.

I think after a while people would just decide to stop hanging around Camp Crystal Lake, since more than a few people have died there, but no, they never learn, to think about it, they actually deserve to die for this idiotic behavioral pattern. Go, Jason!

This marks the first time Kane Hodder puts on the iconic hockey mask and becomes the fan favourite. Although his Jason isn’t in the best condition, with his spine visible, all roughed up, life at the bottom of a lake is hard, you know.

It has none of the comedic tone of the previous one, instead we get more supernatural elements and daddy issues, since our main character is Carrie, no not in the sense of late first menstruation, but she has some telekinetic abilities. I don’t mind that much, because, to be fair, Jason hasn’t been just the disfigured fellow next door for the last few movies either.

Also none of the previous films has looked so 80’s, except maybe the black “shit’n’sing” guy in the fifth one.

Of course some camping couple decide that they should take a machete to chop some wood, instead of, you know, an axe. What are we, in a rainforest?

Almost sadly, they seem to have tried to make a serious movie, but that is not what people expect when they go to see the 7th film in a slasher series. It would be fine if they had succeeded, but what they succeeded at was making a serious, dull and unentertaining movie with a ridiculous concept. And that’s the thing, it is an interesting idea, just poorly executed.

Elizabeth Kaitan is sort of hot in her little role. There’s little nudity, just some ass Kaitan’s tits and underwater ones. Not that I notice or anything. The lack of nudity and more importantly gore is something we have to thank the good old MPAA for. Those bastards.

It has one of the best kills of the series, where Jason just picks up a girl in a sleeping bag and smashes her against a tree. That was seriously awesome.

Although you can do just about anything to zombie Jason and he is unfazed, apparently when you pour some gasoline on him, he starts covering and stepping back. Maybe due to the fact that he knows that a minute later the wooden house he is in will be slowly burning and then for no reason randomly blow the fuck up. This might not be uncommon, since the characters outside run away from it and then duck right before it explodes.

The ending also goes into some ridiculous nonsense

It’s hard to really feel sorry for not-Carrie, since she is the one who resurrected Jason.

Overall, not bad, but also not very entertaining. I think you can skip this one and go straight to Jason Takes a Cruise Ship. Not recommended.

Pictured: Jason putting on a custom-made condom.