Tag Archives: 2003

Review of Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)

24 Mar

Freddy Vs. Jason (2003) is a slasher/horror/thriller film, which is the crossover of the A Nightmare On Elm Street and Friday the 13th film franchises.

Directed by Ronny Yu (The 51st State (2001), Fearless (2006)).

Written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift (Friday the 13th (2009)).

Starring: Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Monica Keena, Jason Ritter, Kelly Rowland, Chris Marquette and others.

Ah, yes. This is a special review for me since it concludes both the Friday the 13th and A Nightmare On Elm Street film reviews. That is, of course, until they decide to make a sequel to any of the remakes.

Jason Goes To Hell left us with a promise of Freddy Krueger going against Jason Voorhees and then ten years passed until we actually got it. I’m kind of surprised it happened at all, because the only other modern big franchise crossover I can think of is AVP: Alien vs. Predator a year later and I don’t really have much good to say about that.

Then we get some insight into Jason’s psychology as Freddy has a plan to get Jason out of hell (which isn’t all that hard) and make him do his dirty work so people would start fearing him again. So he disguises himself as Jason’s mom and starts realizing this contrived plot.

I wish they would’ve let Kane Hodder play Jason, this one doesn’t look quite right. Sure, Ken Kirzinger is tall as shit, but there’s nothing some platform shoes couldn’t fix. Maybe they got that lanky geek to make the scene, where Jason can’t pull his machete out of a table more believable. Also for me there’s only one Pamela Voorhees and that’s Betsy Palmer.

It’s surprisingly not anywhere near as gimmicky and comedic as I had imagined it, but I guess it helps to make the movie more believable since it is about a guy killing people in their dreams teaming up and then going against a guy who is an almost invincible zombie retard, that kills people with a machete, and they both get out of hell.

Where did Freddy find out about Jason? Is there a message board in hell that says „most awaited serial killers”, or did he notice him in the 80’s-slashers-with-declining-quality-sequels meetings?

Every slasher movie has some bad acting, but since here two slasher franchise come together we get one of the worst I’ve ever seen in the body of Kerry Rowland from Destiny Child. She is so awful I kept hoping she would die already, but no, she fucking stays almost until the very end. And her playing an incredibly unlikable character doesn’t help either. Also at one point she basically calls Freddy a faggot in a Christmas sweater. Not cool.

The CGI is mostly bad and I don’t know why it was necessary. It hit the bottom with some lame CG Freddy maggot creatures.

Most of the movie Jason turns up from time to time, kills someone and slides back into the shadows, so it’s mostly A Nightmare On Elm Street. But on the other hand, the filmmakers seemed to favor Jason a bit more.

This movie has the same thing that really surprised me in Rob Zombie’s Halloween II, I mean, seriously? There’s two guys who think it is a good idea to make fun of a six-foot five guy in a hockey mask. You can afford it if you know, for example, some kung fu, but not if you’re just a drunk and stoned moron.

It goes into a bit of overexplaining itself, having the characters come up with exactly what happened going through some absurd leaps of logic, which would be all fine and dandy if we hadn’t seen it happen in the movie in the hour before.

When Jason starts going against Freddy (or is it the other way around?) we are presented a curious case of Jason being afraid of water. What? Was this inspired by the stupid ending of Jason Takes Manhattan? Does it matter that Jason has gone willingly into water a shitload of times before?  He’s even spent years in a lake. I guess it doesn’t.

The showdown between Freddy and Jason still might be one of the best things ever brought to screen and makes sitting through the rest of the movie worth it.

Overall, mostly painfully bland and mediocre, but not insultingly bad. Recommended, if only to see Jason and Freddy’s epic fight.

"Smile, Robert!"
"Oh, I'll smile, but don't think I forgot about your faggot remarks, you bitch."

Review of Hulk (2003)

16 Jan

Hulk (2003) is a sci-fi/drama/action film, based on the Marvel Comics character of the same name.

Directed by the Taiwanese director Ang Lee (Pushing Hands (1992), Taking Woodstock (2009)), who won an Academy Award for Best Director for Brokeback Mountain.

Written by James Schamus (The Wedding Banquet (1993), Lust, Caution (2007)), who often works on Lee’s films, John Turman (Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Ben 10: Alien Swarm (2009)) and Michael France (Cliffhanger (1993), Fantastic Four (2005)).

Starring: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott, Nick Nolte, Josh Lucas and others.

So what do you do, when you have to make a movie about a huge green guy, who is fueled by anger and likes smashing things? If you ask Ang Lee, he’d probably say “Obviously, you should make a psychological drama about how hard is it to deal with turning into a large, green pile of CG shit.” Because that’s more or less what he made.

A lot of people have since tried to justify by using Ang Lee’s ambitions and what he sent out to do, but the bottom line is, he didn’t succeed. A lot of filmmakers want and try to make good, original films, but when they fail, it’s still a failure.

Yeah, it has a lot of interesting shots, but at times it’s a bit too gimmicky. I don’t need to see comic book panels replicated on-screen to understand it’s a comic book movie. And all those different scene and shot transitions makes it look like when someone just gets a camera and then tries out every available in-camera effect once. I liked this thing when in a close-up the camera just switches to a different angle on the same person. But every enjoyment was still sucked out by things like a sequence, which is basically like 5 minutes consisting solely of different transitions

Jennifer Connelly is the only thing I wished the The Incredible Hulk had from this movie, because Liv Tyler should stop playing human beings and stick to playing elves or fairies or whatever. Thankfully, she seems to have the most scenes she’s in.

Then there’s Nick Nolte. Did he really have to look like a homeless person? Did he really have to look his absolute possible worst for his unfortunate mug shot? I don’t know, I couldn’t make out his answer because of all that scenery he was still chewing.

Eric Bana does a pretty good job, but he looks more like a 6-feet-tall model, than a regular scientist.

I had to wait 40 minutes to actually see Hulk and it only makes it more disappointing. Seriously, considering the amount of work ILM put into the CG Hulk, it’s kind of sad how badly he turned out. I honestly think a green Lou Ferrigno (who has a cameo in this film) still would look more convincing than this cartoon. Also why does Hulk have shorter hair than Bruce Banner? Why is his pants so incredibly stretchy?

As if Hulk alone wasn’t horrible looking enough, we get to see him fighting a couple of mutant dogs and it is so lame and incredibly cheesy for a movie that’s trying so hard at being serious. Hulk fighting tanks was really cool, but then all the jumping around made the whole thing lame again.

Speaking of the big Hulk chase at the end, it would be a lot better if it wasn’t Hulk running and jumping around, resting somewhere for a bit, getting attacked, fighting back and then… repeating it again and again. Anyway, it was an ok climax, but then we get another, a totally lackluster fight scene, that feels more like an afterthought. And then there’s this little scene where Bruce Banner is in hiding and it’s kind of bad-ass.

Overall, a horrible film, which I don’t recommend if you don’t want to see one of the most disgustingly cartoonish CG characters jumping around through a movie that tries too hard and fails miserably.

Pictured: Hulk after seeing this film.