Tag Archives: 1984

Review of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

20 Feb

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) is a slasher/horror/thriller film, it’s the fourth entry in the Friday the 13th franchise and was at the time meant to be the final one.

Directed by Joseph Zito (Abduction (1975), Red Scorpion (1988)), who is known mostly for various B-movies.

Written by Barney Cohen (Stunts (1977), French Quarter (1978)).

Starring: Kimberly Beck, Peter Barton, Corey Feldman, Lawrence Monoson, Crispin Glover, Judie Aronson and others.

As usual we get a little recap of the previous movies and then we see Jason shipped to the morgue. Why are the morticians in movies always either frigid weirdos or over sexed creeps? Since this is a B-horror movie we get the latter one. Of course Jason doesn’t stay dead for long.

Then we’re introduced to our group of teenagers and I get the best surprise I’ve gotten through all the Friday the 13th films. Crispin Glover is in this. I just love the guy, I could watch him do anything. I could watch him, oh I don’t know, almost kick David Letterman in the face… oh, yeah, I’ve seen that. Or I could watch him doing some of the weirdest, epilepsy inspired dance moves since Ian Curtis from Joy Division, which is what you get in this movie.

Then we see that Jason’s back in town! This is tastefully portrayed by him stabbing a random fat banana-eating hitchhiker chick in the neck. Obviously.

We also get our Hollywood reject Corey Feldman as a little kid, who is mostly ok, except when he sees some people making-out, because then he does some kind of bizarre rape seizure in his bed. He also makes different masks and I don’t really believe a kid could do that, because they look both fucking expensive and industrially made.

In this one there is way more nudity than in any of the previous movies. I don’t mind that, as one would imagine.  At one point they even start watching some 20’s porn for no particular reason. Maybe just to kill the guy who didn’t have sex to make a statement about how bad is porn and/or masturbating. But by this logic they also condemn fat hitchhikers eating a banana in an oddly erotic manner. To think about it, it sort of makes sense.

And the killings are fucking brutal in this one. So gratuitous nudity and real massacre does a good slasher movie make. Tom Savini returned to do the effects and they look great.

Also there’s more people than just some teenagers, there’s the kid, his mom, a Jason-hunter.

As with the previous one, the events doesn’t even take place on a friday or the 13th. Thankfully this film doesn’t seem like you’re watching the same movie again.

Intended as the end of the series, but ended up way too successful, so we got a shitload more. I’m not complaining.

Overall, this might be my second favourite Friday the 13th, maybe after the original. It’s fun, gory, has nudity and Crispin Glover, it’s what you want an 80’s slasher to be. Recommended to mostly horror fans and could be a good introduction to the series.

Pictured: Jason loving little boys just like a catholic priest, you know... in the ass.

Review of A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

15 Oct

A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010) is a horror/slasher/mystery film and a remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984).

Directed by Samuel Bayer, who previously has been almost exclusively a music video director for various well-known rock bands.

Written by Wesley Strick (Wolf, Cape Fear) and Eric Heisserer (Final Destination 5, The Thing (2011)).

Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara, Clancy Brown and others.

This is another horror remake from Platinum Dunes, a production company co-created by, one of the biggest douchebags in film industry, Michael Bay, which, I guess instantly, makes him the producer, although the amount of his involvement isn’t clear. For people familiar with the name, seeing it on the screen should lower the expectations bar quite a bit.

However, I was pleasantly surprised. I didn’t think a remake was necessary, but this is something Hollywood has decided to not let go, I guess, because shit like Friday the 13th (2009) can gross almost 100 million dollars, just because old fans are curious and younger audiences are idiots. Anyway, I thought this was the best possible horror remake Platinum Dunes could have produced, which doesn’t say much.

New Nightmare kind of returned to a much darker tone, but this one is really dark and most fans enjoyed the darker ANOES films the most.

Jackie Earle Haley was the perfect choice for the role, also the digitally enhanced voice was kinda creepy, because it feels like he’s whispering right in your ear. I mean I love Robert Englund as Freddy, but if he was in this movie, it would’ve been so out-of-place. This time Freddy is less talkative, but still does some one-liners, now they’re not as much cheesy-funny in movies 3-6, but more creepy and he’s given some really good lines. “Did you know that after the heart stops beating the brain can function for well over seven minutes? We got six more minutes to play.”

Nancy was incredibly blandly portrayed by Rooney Mara, but Kyle Gallner was fun to watch, especially his freak out in the pharmacy.

They did some new things and that’s what remakes should do. For example, they really accentuated the molestation part of Freddy’s history this time, when previously it was just implied.

Best use of All I Have to Do Is Dream by The Everly Brothers ever.

At the start it tries to trick you with the characters, but if you’ve seen the original, you’ll just be annoyed and not surprised.

The previous movies were mostly notable for the amazing use of practical special effects, this one doesn’t do much of that, but at least it doesn’t give you a golden shower of shitty CG either. Freddy’s make-up needed some improvement and they went for a more realistic burn victim look, which I didn’t mind, but admittedly did look a bit off.

This is movie was generally panned by critics. I guess, they couldn’t let go of the Platinum Dunes brand on it or they hadn’t previously sat through all of those ANOES movies that were filled with bad jokes and incoherent plots, written only to connect together the effect sequences.

It had some really bad parts, but since they got the most important part – Freddy Krueger right, I still found it pretty enjoyable and would want to see a sequel with confusing homoerotic undertones and S&M imagery.

Meow!