Review of Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

30 May

Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996) is a horror/mystery/sci-fi film and the fourth film in the Hellraiser film franchise.

Directed by Kevin Yagher (Tales From The Crypt (1989 TV)) under the pseudonym Alan Smithee.

Written by Peter Atkins (Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)).

Starring: Bruce Ramsay, Doug Bradley, Valentina Vargas, Charlotte Chatton, Adam Scott, Kim Myers and others.

It opens up in space, the year 2127. Already, it is not a good sign. At least Friday the 13th waited until the 10th movie to send Jason into space.

There’s some exterior space scenes, where the ships look pretty cool, because they’re probably models and not CGI. But then we cut to awful CG shots of the puzzle box being solved by a robot hands. The actual robot, however, is some cheap animatronic that looks like a cross between T-800 and that robot from Short Circuit.  And the interiors of the spaceship just look like some warehouse.

A guy is controlling the robot and he releases Pinhead and then gets captured. Guess what happens next? We switch to fucking 18th century France as the guy tells about his ancestor, who is a toy maker and he makes the „Lament configuration” puzzle box. He claims this is his best work yet, but then his wife comes in and isn’t terribly impressed by the thing. I wouldn’t be either. It’s a puzzle that has no logical way of figuring it out and everyone who has had it solves it in a minute.

The toy maker runs to the guy who ordered the puzzle box and he has like an assistant played by Adam Scott, who I cannot really take seriously after all his recent comedy roles. So some bad shit happens, they summon some chick.

And we switch to 1990’s. Ok, three time periods, was it really necessary? Anyway, we now follow another one of his ancestors, who, fortunately for the villains, all look exactly the same. Then again, in movies they more often than not do.

There’s also Kim Myers from A Nightmare On Elm Street 2 and she still looks a lot like Meryl Streep. Doug Bradley steals his scenes, but in this movie it’s not saying much.

Considering that a lot of the movie was directed by a special effects guy, none of the effects are very impressive. There’s a clever, but kind of comedic scene, where twin brothers are turned into conjoined twins cenobite. Cenobites are a bit better here than in Hell On Earth, but that’s really like saying that being constipated is better than diarrhea, it’s debatable, but it’s really not worth it. The end result in both cases is shit.

We get a climax, it’s all ok, we feel like the movie should be over now, but wait, aren’t we forgetting something? That’s right, there’s 20 more minutes to go and we return to the future.

The movie turns into Alien as people just run around the spaceship, while cenobites run after them. The movie is no more about craving of pleasures and stuff, now it’s just Pinhead and other cenobites chasing people for the sake of it.

Oh, and [Spoilers] Pinhead is blown up in the end. That is the single most pointless thing they could’ve done. Sure, if they ever decide to set another Hellraiser movie in the year 2128, it will have some effect, but still, that did nothing. He is not a villain. [Spoilers]

Overall, a dull movie which tries to pack way too much in, so everything is watered down to keep the running time in check. Definitely one of if not the worst Hellraiser movie in the series. Not recommended.

“Yo, guys, this guy with some crazy ass piercings all over his head came up to me and gave me this, he said it’s called… um… something like “lame ass refrigeration” or something!”


9 Responses to “Review of Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)”

  1. Aloha Mister Hand May 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm #

    Nice post! I had no idea Kim Myers was in this, and yes, she definitely looks like Meryl Streep! Totally freaky! I also didn’t know this one was made in 1996, I thought the sequels were made closer together than that! Ya learn something new everyday! LOL

    • karlails May 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

      Thanks. Yeah, the first time I saw ANOES2, I was like ‘what? Streep is in this? No, that’s not her. Is it? No, no.’ They compensate the big spread by later on releasing two Hellraiser movies in one year.
      By the way, this thing tells me that this was my 99th post, any suggestions for 100th, to make it special?

      • Aloha Mister Hand May 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm #

        Hmmm….maybe a collection of your favorite movie scenes/characters/lines or something like that? That would be super cool!

        • karlails May 30, 2012 at 10:09 pm #

          It would be pretty though, but I might consider doing something along those lines, some kind of list of sorts would be pretty cool.

          • Aloha Mister Hand May 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

            Yeah, it would definitely be cool! I would be very interested to see what you would list!!!!

  2. TheBruce May 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    Anything in the series after the second one is pretty much all misses, no hits. BLOODLINE is no exception. Anytime a horror franchise goes to space, it’s pretty much a step down, even if you never thought the franchise could step down any further (I’m looking at you, LEPRECHAUN).

    I’m pretty sure they took unrelated scripts for DTV shit and just retooled them and added HELLRAISER to the title. I will say this though: I did enjoy HELLRAISER: INFERNO. Sure, you could always use more gore scenes, but I thought the whole mystery/psych horror thing was a unique take.

    • karlails May 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm #

      It’s funny, Leprechaun is probably the franchise I’m going to tackle after going through all the Hellraiser films. By the way, I liked Inferno as well, it might be my second favourite after the original.

      • TheBruce May 31, 2012 at 12:16 am #

        The LEPRECHAUN series is one of the most depressing and useless series of all-time.

        Nice to find another INFERNO fan. I’ve noticed it tends to be divisive among HELLRAISER fans. I like its approach though, and I like that it’s actually ABOUT something. It presents questions about choice, control, fate all while being very atmospheric.

        • karlails May 31, 2012 at 11:12 am #

          Well, it is, but you can’t really blame series for being stupid if your whole premise is Warwick Davis running around and killing people, so they don’t even try to make them decent.

          Yes, after Bloodline, which totally abandoned the idea of the series, Inferno captured it again, despite having an unrelated script and a different tone. The atmosphere was definitely one of its better aspects.

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