Review of Friday The 13th (2009)

9 Jan

Friday the 13th (2009) is a horror/slasher/thriller film, which is a reboot of the franchise and basically a remake of the first four movies of the series.

Directed by German-American director Marcus Nispel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Pathfinder (2007)), who is best known for a huge amount of commercial work and directing music videos for various hit singles.

Written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, who both wrote the Friday the 13th – A Nightmare On Elm Street crossover Freddy vs. Jason (2003).

Starring: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Travis Van Winkle, Aaron Yoo, Derek Mears, Ryan Hansen and others.

So this is the eleventh movie in the Friday the 13th franchise (not counting Freddy vs. Jason). And I can’t help, but wish that they wouldn’t have rebooted it, just so in a couple of years I could see a movie called Friday the 13th 13.

And it also is a movie of another series. The series of horror remakes of 2000’s, most of them (including this one) produced by the studio I’ve already expressed my opinion on – Platinum Dunes. However, I wasn’t all that skeptical because I recently had seen the A Nightmare On Elm Street remake, which I enjoyed. But once again Platinum Dunes proved to be able of churning out another mediocre, uninspired and unnecessary remake and walking away with a shitload of money and Michael Bay jerking off to the box office statistics.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate remakes by default just because they are remakes, they just generally seem to suck.

This had the biggest problem a remake in my opinion can have. It did nothing new. Ok, you could argue that this time Jason has some underground tunnels and is more like fast hunter, but really it’s just the same shit as we’ve seen before.

Well it is more of a remake of the second movie since it starts off just like it, with a recap of Pamela Voorhees being decapitated, so they can have Jason already as the killer. And then it has a group of teenagers, who get killed and then there’s this other group of teenagers… that get killed.

I did like a couple of death scenes, but since there was a shitload of teenagers, there were a lot, that I didn’t care about. One that I liked, despite its stupidity is when Jason takes a girl who is in a sleeping bag and holds her over a fire until she dies, still in the sleeping bag. Ridiculous, I know, but that has never been a problem with me.

In the original I might not have cared much about the characters, but this one goes out of its way to make me hate them. Am I supposed to care that Jason is killing a bunch of douchebags and idiots? Ryan Hansen’s character would’ve been unbearable, but him being great in Party Down sort of helped it. Overall the acting was bad. One thing I must admit is that I like Jared Padalecki here a lot more than in Supernatural and I don’t know why, maybe because all the other characters provide a miserable background on which he stands out as a likable character.

It doesn’t change the time the original took place, so in this one Jason is… 51? If there ever is a final Friday the 13th movie, it should end by him saying “I’m too old for this shit”.

It would be hard to make an even more clichéd movie. Modern audiences see through this shit, come up with something interesting.

To its credit it doesn’t have like any slow parts, overall I was kind of entertained, but that’s just because people got killed, not because there was something good.

Overall, a rehashed piece of shit that deserves to be destroyed. Not recommended for anyone, sucked Michael Bay’s penis and even he didn’t enjoy it.

Pictured: At least a couple of reasons why the movie sucked.

3 Responses to “Review of Friday The 13th (2009)”

  1. Matt Stewart January 10, 2012 at 12:05 am #

    Yeah I heard this was a pretty darn bad movie…

    • karlails January 10, 2012 at 10:55 am #

      You heard right.
      Unfortunately I had heard from several people that this is the best of the slasher remakes. At first I was confused, but then I realised I know some morons.

  2. alohamisterhand March 4, 2012 at 2:58 am #

    You are so right, this is my most hated horror remake. So fucking stupid; completely worthless.

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